Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Fear of Your Lover Should not be an Aphrodisiac

I took the above title from Regina Barreca, Ph.D.. She wrote a series of blog posts for Psychology Today on the topic of the TWILIGHT phenomenon and why teens love it, and she hates it.

Sometimes, I am a little slow, and so I had to read the words a second time. Here, you can, too:

Fear of Your Lover Should not be an Aphrodisiac

So, what do you think about that? Do you agree that Bella's fear of Edward drinking her blood is an aphrodisiac? And do you think this concept is damaging to teenage girls? ... heck ... all women?

Do you think some girls/women date men, love men, because they are dangerous? What about when you were a teenager? Were you attracted to the dangerous boys or to the safe boys?

Regardless of where the feminist movement has brought us, most of the teenage girls I know still lack self-esteem. I don't think it's something you can GIVE to another person. I think it is something they must learn and discover for themselves. It just so happens that most of us go through that learning phase as young women. But, I know plenty of women (including myself to a certain extent) who continue to struggle late into their lives with self-esteem issues.

So, if there's a man totally devoted to your every desire and need, is that enough? Or does there need to be an element of danger as well? And frankly, is it healthy to hope for, want, or need a man to be THAT devoted to you? Shouldn't he have a life of his own? Hobbies? Friends?


  1. Don't even get me started on why I hate Twilight but yes, this is part of it. And also that she's a miserable nothing without some guy in her life.

  2. Well KarenG - "Don't even get me started ..." I think I've done just that, at least for me. I was in bed during the night thinking about this topic - instead of sleeping and dreaming! And I realized that YES, fear of your lover is often an aphrodisiac.

    So ... Friday's post will be about the idea that FEAR of your lover is ACTUALLY an aphrodisiac.

    Please, leave your comments below, and then come back Friday and let's argue ... uh, I mean discuss ... the topic!! :)

  3. I agree with KarenG - I really dislike Twilight. I think Bella is an AWFUL role model for girls for a lot of reasons, and this hits on one of those reasons.

    I don't think fear as an aphrodisiac is ever healthy, and yes, I do worry that romanticizing the idea IS damaging to girls. We've all probably been attracted to and/or dated a 'bad boy' or two in our time, but I don't think that attraction A) is healthy, or B) can stand the test of time or is a component of 'true love'.

    On the flip side of that, no, I don't think that the over-the-top devotion (obsession?!) (like what Edward has for Bella) is healthy either.

    People can be completely devoted to their significant other's needs and desires without totally losing themselves. It's about balance.

    I'm really interested in reading Dr. Barreca's thoughts on Twilight.

  4. I actually like Twilight, although I agree that fear should never be an aphodesiac. I think Bella's attraction is based on every woman's instinct to find a strong partner. The sparkly vampire represents strength and power and self-control. That's what most girls swoon over.