A Bit of #Research Behind the #Book: WHO R U REALLY?

Sometimes research is necessary to develop a plot or flesh out a character. I found this to be true when I was building the characters for my novel, WHO R U REALLY?.  

To better understand why the main character would fall for the wrong guy, I examined the psychology behind the “bad boy” syndrome. Often times, girls ignore warning signs and take unnecessary risks to feel loved by someone who is no good for them. I researched a lot of Psychology Today articles along with various professional studies, and the bottom line was: FEAR IS AN APHRODISIAC.

 

Yes. It. Is.

Some girls (and grown women) date men—love men—because they are dangerous.

Is it the thrill factor? Is it a self-esteem issue?

Many teenage girls lack self-esteem. It isn’t something you can GIVE to a person. Sure, it can be nurtured, but ultimately, self-esteem is something we must discover for ourselves. Most of us go through that learning phase as young women, but I know plenty of older women (including myself to a certain extent) who continue to struggle with self-esteem issues.

So if there’s an element of danger to the man who seems totally devoted to your every desire … does that boost your self-esteem? Does your ability to handle that danger further boost your self-esteem?

Or does self-esteem have nothing to do with it? Maybe it is simply the thrill factor alone.

Fear is an aphrodisiac.

Think about it. Some women have:
1. One night stands
2. Affairs
3. Fantasies of being with the bad boy
4. Flirt fests with the bouncer / linebacker / drug dealer / teacher / best friend's boyfriend / boss / etc.

These items involve an element of fear. Fear of your lover and the potential harm he could cause to you and/or your family.

But … let’s take it a step further and consider: Fear is also an aphrodisiac with a SAFE guy.

Seriously. Unless you're a rock, you have feelings. Feelings that could be dangerous if you trust the wrong person … or even the right person at the wrong time … or in the wrong place. Otherwise, why would people have sex in elevators, on airplanes, in libraries, in movie theaters? They do these things because they have become safe in their relationship, and they want to bring back some of the fear-aphrodisiac.

Even if you and your safe partner only have safe sex in a safe place, there can still be an element of fear. During sex you are exposing yourself more than at any other moment. If something, anything, goes wrong, your inner most core could be damaged. What could go wrong with a safe partner in a safe place? A lot of things. Use your imagination.

But … let’s take it even a step further and consider: Maybe it's not FEAR at all that is the actual aphrodisiac.

Maybe, in fact, it is TRUST.

Trust … that even though your boyfriend wants to drink your blood (if your name is Bella), you have faith that he loves you more than that blood-drinking-desire.

Or in the case of WHO R U REALLY? … trust that the guy on the other side of the Internet has been telling you the truth all along.

Or at your high school, when you trust that your football-playing-linebacker will leave his aggression on the field and never hit you.

Or growing old, when you trust that your safe-devoted-husband will never make fun of your ever-growing-love-handles.

Trust trumps fear.

That is the climactic aphrodisiac.

And that my dear sweet friends, is the simple research I did to help develop my characters.

 

Research is definitely a distraction ESSENTIAL when writing a manuscript.

 

What do you think … is fear an aphrodisiac?

 

 

[This is a simultaneous post with Uncommon YA. If you've not yet visited that awesome site - go check it out now!]

IWSG: Doubt and Fear

Well, if I never felt doubt or fear, I wouldn't need to belong to the Insecure Writer's Support Group! haha.

For full details about this group, visit here: alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com

I wonder if writers ever feel fully confident? I think there's a difference between individual self-confidence and a writer's confidence ... or is there? Can I be assured in my daily life and still doubt my ability to convey the images I see in my head onto paper ... and for those written words then to translate into similar images in your head? Doesn't it require some form of psychic ability for me to transfer pictures and stories from my brain to yours? Would a Vulcan mind-meld (sp?) be easier?

*sigh*

I love writing. I love revising. But I fear you won't receive the message I intended to send. Lost in translation/perception/conception.

:)

I suppose that is the reason we have critique partners and beta readers.

What do you fear about your writing experience?

Hey - You're Okay! You'll be Fine!

I just finished watching another great TED Talk featuring Ze Frank. In the talk, he explained the history behind this song which was very moving. Here is just the song ... and beware, there is some weird static at the end. Enjoy the song and carry on!

 

 

Oh but then I discovered there are a bunch of homemade videos for this song, and now here is the best one ... if you like animals ... this one made me cry!!! And the audio is much better than the one above.

Have a great weekend, and remember to just breathe! :)

Oh, and if you'd like to know more about the story behind the song, check this out:
http://www.zefrank.com/chillout/

Opposite of FEAR

When writing and revising, it is important to incorporate tension and conflict in each scene. One way to do this is to first identify the main emotion, or beginning emotion, of a scene. Second, thread the opposite emotion into the scene, or have the scene end with the opposite emotion.

So ... with the current scene I'm revising, FEAR is the main (and beginning) emotion. My instincts told me that the opposite of fear is COMFORT. But ... to be thorough, I googled "the opposite of fear."

Who knew the topic was such a controversy?

Several websites argue that COURAGE is not the opposite of fear, because fear is a state of being while courage is an action. Interesting. But couldn't you also argue that action is required to remove yourself from that state of being? Yes, but then courage is merely a pathway to the opposite of fear. Which bring us back to the original question.

What is the opposite of fear?

Several websites argue that FAITH is the opposite. Several others claim that LOVE is the opposite.

Which made me wonder how I could have been so off track with my thought of COMFORT being the opposite?

Let's look at the definitions (according to: www.merriam-webster.com):

FEAR: the emotion experienced in the presence or threat of danger
COMFORT: a feeling of ease from grief or trouble

And yet, neither are listed as an antonym for the other.

What is listed as an antonym for FEAR?

... wait for it ...

...

FEARLESSNESS

...

Seriously? How is that helpful?

Actually, there are more. Here's the list from Merriam-Webster, but they're titled "near antonyms":

Near Antonyms aplomb, assurance, boldness, confidence, self-assurance, self-confidence; bravery, courage, courageousness, daring, dauntlessness, doughtiness, fearlessness, fortitude, gallantry, hardihood, intrepidity, intrepidness, stoutness, valor; audacity, guts, nerve

So ... I think I'll go with HARDIHOOD as my opposite. Do you think it has any relationship to the Hardy Brothers? Hmm?

Hardiharhar.

I don't know.

I honestly think that the opposite of fear is ACTION. Think about it. What do you fear? What would happen if you took action instead of sitting in fear? What would you accomplish? What would you feel?

I think a synonym for fear should be procrastination.

What Do You Fear ??

The majority of this material was borrowed from:

http://writerunboxed.com/2011/03/02/what-are-you-afraid-of/

1.      What is your deepest fear?

2.      To what extent would you go to avoid it?

3.      Where does this fear come from?

4.      What if your deepest fear was magnified by ten? Then, what extent would you go to in order to avoid it?

5.      What if you failed twice to overcome your fear? Would you try one more time to overcome it?

6.      Why or why not?

......

7.      What are you least willing to admit about yourself?

8.      What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done wrong?

9.      If these secrets were revealed to the world, who would be hurt?

10.  What would you do to keep the secret from ever coming out?

...... 

11.  What is your deepest shame?

12.  Why are you a fraud?

13.  What are you powerless to change? 

......

Our worst fears are not hiding out there in the dark; they’re the darkness inside us.

Can we turn our fears to our advantage?

Authors do it every day. Think about some of your favorite books. When novelists unsettle us we praise them. As a story teller, fear is your friend. Authors are encouraged to open the door and invite fear in.

Try answering the above questions from your protagonist's point of view ... you might be surprised with what you discover.

The majority of this material was borrowed from:

http://writerunboxed.com/2011/03/02/what-are-you-afraid-of/

Donald Maass founded the Donald Maass Literary Agency in New York in 1980. His agency sells more than 150 novels every year to major publishers in the U.S. and overseas. He is the author of The Career Novelist (1996), Writing the Breakout Novel (2001), The Fire in Fiction (2009) and The Breakout Novelist (2011). He is a past president of the Association of Authors’ Representatives, Inc.

IWSG: Conquer Your Fears

The first Wednesday of the month means it's time for a posting for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. What? You're not insecure? Well ... good for you!! But if you are even just a teeny tiny bit insecure, this is a great support group. The people and postings are wonderful. So check it out and join in the fun.

According to the posting guidelines: "Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered."

The first thing that came to mind when I read that line was the simple fact that I have NOT QUIT. I remember a long time ago (maybe 15 years) I sat in a business meeting and the speaker (sorry can't remember WHO it was) said, "People who fail are the people who quit too soon. You never know what is just around the corner."

I've stuck with this strategy since deciding to pursue my writing goals. It took me nearly three years from the decision point to the day I signed a contract with an agent. But I didn't quit. Of course I doubted it would ever happen, and I feared my writing wasn't good enough, but I kept working to improve my writing skills, and I kept sending out query letters.

Keep at your goals. And don't quit too soon!

Often times people (non-writerly people) will ask, "Can't anybody just publish their own writing nowadays?"

Yes. They can.

However, I've chosen to pursue the traditional publishing route. It may take longer, but it's the path I've chosen, and I'm not going to quit.

What goal have you set that you are determined to achieve?

FEAR of Your Lover IS an Aphrodisiac!

So, last post I delved into the topic of Bella and Edward from TWILIGHT, and how she fears he might drink her blood. I also mentioned that a smart person from another blog wrote:

Fear of your lover should not be an aphrodisiac.

Well ... whether it should be or should not be ... it is.

Think about it. Some women have:
1. One Night Stands
2. Affairs
3. Fantasies of being with the bad boy
4. Flirt fests with the bouncer/linebacker/drug dealer/teacher/best friend's boyfriend/boss/etc.

All of the above items (and more?) involve an element of fear. Fear of your lover and the potential harm he could cause to you and/or your family.

But! I'd like to take it a step further and have you consider that fear is also an aphrodisiac with a SAFE boy/man/lover/husband. Seriously. Unless you're a rock, you have feelings. Feelings that could be dangerous if you trust the wrong person or even the right person at the wrong time or in the wrong place. Otherwise, why would people have sex in elevators, on airplanes, in libraries, in movie theaters? They do these things because they have become safe in their relationship and they want to bring back some of the fear-aphrodisiac.

Even if you and your safe partner only have safe sex in a safe place, there can still be an element of fear. During sex you are exposing yourself more than at any other moment. If something, anything, goes wrong, your inner most core could be damaged. What could go wrong with a safe partner in a safe place? A lot of things. Just use your imagination.

But! Let's take it even a step further. Maybe it's not FEAR at all that is the actual aphrodisiac.

Maybe, in fact, it is TRUST.

Trust that even though your boyfriend wants to drink your blood, you have faith that he loves you more than that blood-drinking-desire. Trust that your football-playing-linebacker will leave his aggression on the field and never hit you. Trust that your safe-devoted-husband will never make fun of your ever-growing-love-handles.

Trust trumps fear.
And, that, is the climactic aphrodisiac.