Thursday, April 11, 2013

Just Joking - There Are No Rules!

Do you write good?

Then here are some rules you might enjoy. This list is all over the internet with no obvious original source. I borrowed this exact list from:

  1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again.
  10. No sentence fragments.
  11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don't.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive.
  14. All generalizations are bad.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Don't use no double negatives.
  17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.
  18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).
  20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
  22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
  23. Don't overuse exclamation points!!!
  24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
  26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words' that show possession.
  27. Don't use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.
  29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?
  33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
  35. People don't spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.
  36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.
  37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan's Law.
  38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  39. The dash - a sometimes useful punctuation mark - can often be overused - even though it's a helpful tool some of the time.
  40. Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words.
  41. In writing, it's important to remember that dangling sentences.


  1. lol! This post has me busting up laughing. LOVE IT!

  2. Ha! That's pretty hilarious. I especially liked "Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words" because I do that all the time. Especially when I have to stop writing mid-sentence and go do something. Somehow I always end up coming back to it and repeating my last word.

  3. lol. Such a great list. Too many that fit me just write. And I love the 'all others will be toad.'

  4. I'm sorry it took me so long to leave a comment, but I was on the flippin' floor rolling with laughter!!

  5. I was more or less laughing too! These rules is funny. :)

  6. that is an awfully long list of cringe-making grammatical errors. Split infinitives are my own particular bug-bear. Then there are the apostrophes in unnecessary places. I'll stop now before I start screaming!

  7. The list is a hoot. But the sign... All others will be toad... Too funny!

  8. I love this list so much!!!!!!

  9. LOL. What a barrel of laughs....having trouble keeping a straight face here.

  10. I have broken nearly all those rules. 'Toad' is awesome, like, totally...

  11. Very nice list; I must have a copy.

    I am always dismayed by the increasing use of the word " amount" when "number" is meant, as in: They had a large amount of people at the concert. Seems to me that "amount" indicates a volume rather than a number. (With that sentence I always envision a bunch of very fat people at the concert.)

  12. I love this list-- too funny, yet TOADally gets the point across! I tend to be a grammar nazi myself. ;) I hate when people use 'aint'.. drives me insane!

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