Do you write good?
Then here are some rules you might enjoy. This list is all over the internet with no obvious original source. I borrowed this exact list from: www.creativeteachingsite.com
- Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
- Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
- Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again.
- No sentence fragments.
- Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don't.
- Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive.
- All generalizations are bad.
- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).
- The passive voice is to be ignored.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
- Don't overuse exclamation points!!!
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words' that show possession.
- Don't use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
- People don't spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.
- Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.
- All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan's Law.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- The dash - a sometimes useful punctuation mark - can often be overused - even though it's a helpful tool some of the time.
- Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words.
- In writing, it's important to remember that dangling sentences.
lol! This post has me busting up laughing. LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteHa! That's pretty hilarious. I especially liked "Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words" because I do that all the time. Especially when I have to stop writing mid-sentence and go do something. Somehow I always end up coming back to it and repeating my last word.
ReplyDeletelol. Such a great list. Too many that fit me just write. And I love the 'all others will be toad.'
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry it took me so long to leave a comment, but I was on the flippin' floor rolling with laughter!!
ReplyDeleteI was more or less laughing too! These rules is funny. :)
ReplyDeletethat is an awfully long list of cringe-making grammatical errors. Split infinitives are my own particular bug-bear. Then there are the apostrophes in unnecessary places. I'll stop now before I start screaming!
ReplyDeleteHere, hear!!!
ReplyDeleteThe list is a hoot. But the sign... All others will be toad... Too funny!
ReplyDeleteI love this list so much!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL. What a barrel of laughs....having trouble keeping a straight face here.
ReplyDeleteLOVE THIS! :) :)
ReplyDeleteI have broken nearly all those rules. 'Toad' is awesome, like, totally...
ReplyDeleteVery nice list; I must have a copy.
ReplyDeleteI am always dismayed by the increasing use of the word " amount" when "number" is meant, as in: They had a large amount of people at the concert. Seems to me that "amount" indicates a volume rather than a number. (With that sentence I always envision a bunch of very fat people at the concert.)
I love this list-- too funny, yet TOADally gets the point across! I tend to be a grammar nazi myself. ;) I hate when people use 'aint'.. drives me insane!
ReplyDeletemy blog: morgankatz505.blogspot.com