Thursday, August 19, 2010

Thanks Holly and Shannon!

So... as you know, I have a block when it comes to writing query letters. I've done a ton of research, and understand the concept and construction, but knowing and doing are two different things.

Here's what paid off for me:
1. I had a critique partner read the ms and then read my query attempt. Having read the entire ms, she was able to give great feedback and advice for improving the letter. THANKS SHANNON!

2. Holly made a comment on a previous post suggesting that I should pretend to give the pitch verbally in person, and then transfer those words to paper. THANKS HOLLY!

3. Then, my "research" has taught me that you need to introduce the mc, problem, solution, complication, complication, complication, etc. to structure the query.

4. I put these three things together, and received a request for a full manuscript! YAY!

Here's my query letter:

Dear [Agent's Name],

Thirteen-year-old Cynthia Reid (Thia) falls in love with an internet predator. Of course she doesn’t know Mike is a predator. She just wants a boyfriend, and her over-protective parents won’t let her date until sixteen. So, hooking up with a boy during an online game seems like the perfect solution… until Thia’s mom catches her emailing innocent pictures. Then she loses her computer for weeks. When Thia finally gets it back, she learns that Mike attempted suicide in her absence.

Out of fear and guilt, Thia gives Mike her cell phone number, because she doesn’t want to be responsible for his death. The burden becomes too heavy to bear, but she doesn’t know who to trust. She knows Mike would never lie to her, because he loves her, and she chooses to believe him over her friends and her parents. As her online relationship with Mike intensifies, Thia’s real world begins to crumble. Her friendships shatter, her lies come more easily, and her relationship with her parents teeters on the brink.

Thia’s life spins out of control when her mom calls the police after discovering text messages from Mike on Thia’s phone. But even after Thia is shown evidence of who Mike really is, she stills chooses to believe Mike… until he shows up on her doorstep as a forty-five-year-old man.

Inspired by actual events, The Education of Thia is a 62,000 word young adult novel.

This is a multiple submission, and four agents are currently reviewing the full manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Margo Kelly


  1. Sounds like an awesome/scary story Margo!

  2. Wow! Sounds gripping! With four agents reviewing it odds are in your favor. Best of luck!

  3. Thanks EJ & PK ... uh, love the initials! Maybe my next book should have a character with initials! :) Thanks for your comments.

  4. Aw shucks, it 'twernt nothing... I'm just remarkable.

    I am so excited for you!!!