Hmm... check it out:
I've posted the REVISED revised revised (etc.) version of MANIFESTED chapter one. This was a HARD revision - - still not quite sure if it's just right - - but I switched it from first person p.o.v. to third person and expanded the first chapter to include more information than the original version.
Check it out and let me know what you think. And, if you read the original version, let me know how you think it compares. :)
I off to SLC.