Behind the Scenes - - - - - Before and After

This is a simultaneous post - here and over at Uncommon YA, which is an AWESOME site. Please, go check them out, today! :)

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I love THE VOICE on NBC. I love the music. I love the competition. It relates in so many ways to writing and the publishing process, but this week there was a Battle Round that really applied to my own writing. Especially when I think about the topic of "Behind the Scenes - Before and After."

If I had to name one theme song for my novel, WHO R U REALLY?, it would easily be Breakeven by The Script. I even quoted their lyrics twice in earlier versions of the manuscript. However, due to copyright issues, I had to fictionalize all bands and lyrics in my novel. I had a number of scenes in the book where the characters debated song lyrics ... but I couldn't keep them as they were originally written because it would have cost more to pay for the right to use the quotes than I would have made in my advance or future royalties (for a long time). So the bands and lyrics were fictionalized for the final version of the book.

But when I heard this song in the Battle Round of THE VOICE this week, my heart still swooned for my character Tim in the novel, because he just loves the main character, Thea, so much ... he'd do anything for her. He just wants her to be okay. "I'm all choked up that you're okay."




So in the original manuscript the scene read:

“What am I supposed to say, when I’m all choked up that you’re okay?”
“Don’t quote song lyrics to me. Tell me the truth.”
“It’s the truth, Thia. I’ve loved you since the fifth grade.” His cheeks reddened even more, and not from the cold morning air. Then he reached up with his hand and wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I was crying until then. I bit my lip as his cold smooth fingers rested gently against my face.


And in the final book the scene reads:

“It would be such a disgrace, if I fell short and you were not safe.”
“Don’t quote song lyrics to me,” I said. “Tell me the truth.”
“It’s the truth, Thea. I’ve loved you since the fifth grade.” His cheeks reddened even more, and not from the cold morning. He lifted his hand and wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I was crying until then. I bit my lip, and his cold smooth fingers rested against my face.


I agree; it's not as good as the lyrics from The Script's song. But with all of the replaced lyrics throughout the book, I think it does work overall.

Oh, and I just noticed ... comparing the two scenes ... the second one is much tighter in the last three sentences. Did you spot that? Or were you distracted by the song lyrics? ;)

Before and after. Sometimes scenes have to be altered for legal reasons (and financial reasons).